7e laan werksdrama

Jammer vir die engels maar dit is op facebook ook, wou he almal moet kan verstaan

I very suddenly feel like my work turned into a cheap, rural version of 7e Laan. In English. So we have this new girl at our work who does not get along with our senior at all. Their personalities just clash all the time. The senior is a very brass, mean, big, pushy person and…frankly…a huge bitch. I thought so too. But I could deal with it much better in a sense that I just started to ignore her or if I had to freak out I would freak out on my own and also not take all her meanness and comments personally. The new girl is a very sensitive type of personality. She is nice and creative and willing to learn, but she also takes everything our senior says personally and bursts into tears very quickly. So the past few weeks have been made up of trying to orientate her while wiping her tears and confirming that our senior is a bitch, but she should just ignore her.

But today, after set of tears number 3, we have this big meeting in the main boss’s office, four of us, trying to sort this thing out. And I sat there watching how people just want to speak their minds and they keep misunderstanding each other, getting angry, getting upset and taking things personally.

So I thought about conflict management. I was in an argument with a friend as well recently and I just noticed how things could get out of hand so quickly. Between people who are lovely and decent and love each other.

So here are my pointers for future conflict (ones I am trying to learn and reinforce on myself as well)

  1. Do not take it personally. If someone has a problem or confronts you, listen to what they say. Listen to how they FEEL! If they have a problem then obviously it has been sitting for a while, then it may come out in a way that is mean or you could take as a personal attack, but obviously there is something wrong in the relationship that makes them feel the way they feel.
  1. The relationship should be more important than being right. In other words, your ego is not that important. Think how you can resolve the situation as to save the relationship. If it’s a friendship, or a love relationship, then you obviously love that person and would like to stay in that relationship, so try and hear their side. Get into their shoes and try to find out what you did that made them feel that way. If it is you that has a problem, state it in such a way that the person does not feel accused. Do not go out to hurt the person. Try to resolve the conflict. Don’t go in with swords, but with an open minds, hearing from both sides what they feel. If is as a relationship between, say, you and your boss or you and your mother in law, think why you would like to save the relationship, if not because you love the other person. It might be because you need to do your best at your job, or you need to compromise because of your husband’s sake.
  1. Take time. In big conflicts and fights, even minor ones, take some time to think about the situation. If you react immediately it will be out of emotion and out of “what did that person do to me, how can I get them back” instead of “what are they feeling? How did I hurt them? How can we solve this.” Just take a moment or even decide to think about it for a few days, even breaking contact for a while if people have been hurt, just to evaluate the situation from all sides. Repeatedly put yourself in the other person’s shoes to see it from another side.
  1. Know your own strengths and weaknesses. Know that you are okay and fine and you do not need someone else to confirm that in you. It will make it much easier to save the relationship if you are not continually trying to save face or make yourself okay. Sometimes people will not like you, sometimes people will be mean and sometimes people will say things that are not true. You will sometimes not be able to change their minds. That is okay. You are still okay. Also know that you might at times be, for example, impulsive, oversensitive or selfish and knowing that in yourself will help to know when you are reacting out of over-sensitivity instead of reacting in a sober mindset.
  1. Pick your battles. Everything is not worth fighting for. If you are constantly trying to find fault in a situation or constantly getting into fights, you might be making a big deal out of everything. There are times when you can sort things out within yourself and there are times that you can’t. If something happens repeatedly or if it is a big deal to you, do not keep quiet then. Continually keeping quiet could cause you to come out in one big fight. Keep communication open but do not make a big deal out of everything.
  1. Do not be over-sensitive. Even if people say mean things, try and see the heart behind it. Why are they saying it? Are they just angry? And if they are just being mean, sometimes you just need to ignore it and not be over-sensitive all the time.
  1. If you cannot resolve something between the two of you and the relationship is important to save, try and get a mediator. Someone else who is impartial to both parties might see something in a way that neither of you have seen it, or help you to see where you both can compromise.
  1. Compromising. Both parties need to be willing to adapts and compromise to save the relationship/job/marriage ect.
  1. Stepping out. If you are in a friendship that you feel is continually hurting you or a relationship where the other person seems uninterested in resolving conflict, or just keeps being mean, you might need to let it go. Or quit your job. Or whatever. In the end, as much as we need to love other people and try to live in peace with them, we cannot continually harm ourselves.

So…that being said. I think my bitch boss needs to stop being a bitch. But she is very self-obsessed so I don’t think that will ever happen. The new girl also needs to be less sensitive. She cannot take everything personally. But if she feels she cannot handle it, if it does not change after she has spoken up and tried to save the situation, she needs to quit. Especially because she is in a situation with no support, she is far from friends and leans towards depression. So…any ideas in conflict management?

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3 Responses to “7e laan werksdrama”


  1. 1 corlivandermerwe Januarie 21, 2010 om 4:40 nm

    I work in a newsroom with a lot of people and a lot of different personalities.

    I get along with everybody but every now and again I get to witness a little spat (or bigger) between two co-workers.

    Some people just handle conflict very poorly, it’s definitely a skill that can be learned. That being said, sometimes these things make life a bit more interesting – especially if you’re not part of the fight!

  2. 2 Skoor Januarie 22, 2010 om 8:21 vm

    Moenie oorgaan tot geweld nie – kry vir jouself mace en spuit jou probleme in die oe!!! 😆

  3. 3 karliendupreez Januarie 26, 2010 om 6:01 nm

    Tee hee, ek moet se ek giggel nou en dan in my mou of sommer openlik vir die drama. Dis eintlik heel entertaining. Hence die titel


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