Archive for Junie, 2010

Walking away

At first I was scared that I would stop loving you and

I would want to walk away

Now I’m scared that I will never stop loving you

And never get to walk away


I’m happy you’re happy

And now I can think of a thousand things I should’ve said when you called


“I still love you I miss you why did you leave her was it because of me why did you leave me was it because I was wasn’t I enough did you mean what you said when we last spoke how are you are you okay are you sad did she hurt you why did you hurt me I hate you it still hurts I still cry sometimes I hide in the cupboard the world stopped making sense when you left I love you and hate you at the same time come back to me do you hear me come back I need you I hate you so much I’m still so angry”

I hope you heard that when all I said was

“I’m happy you’re happy”

I wasn’t lying

Is ek regtig lief vir Jesus

Ek het onlangs iewers gelees dat, wat jy se jy liefhet is nie wat jy liefhet nie, wat jy met jou aksies wys dat jy liefhet is wat jy regtig liefhet. En toe dink ek….ek wonder of mense weet eks lief vir Jesus. Nie omdat ek oor hom blog op dit op my facebook skryf of kerktoe gaan of christen boeke lees nie….weet mense dat ek REGTIG lief is vir Jesus. Kan hulle dit sien deur my aksies. Deur hoe ek met mense is, deur dat ek vir arm mense omgee, deur hoe ek my seer hanteer, deur hoe ek my tyd spandeer, deur die tipe mens wat ek is.

Eks van die “Mense moet dit in jou lewe kan sien jy hoef nie hulle te vertel van die Here nie” school. Maar net omdat ek nie mense wil vertel van die Here as in “bekeer jouself of jy gaan hel toe” sin van die woord, beteken nie ek kannie oor hom praat nie. As Hy in my lewe is moet ek tog vanself oorloop van Hom, nie waar nie? Moet Sy dinge uit my mond uitkom omdat dit is waarvoor ek lief is en Sy aksies in my lewe wys, omdat dit is waarvoor ek staan. Ek moet werk om Sy kingdom aarde toe bring omdat ek glo dis wat Christenskap is. Nie kerktoe gaan nie. Nie probeer heiligheid forseer nie. Nie die “I love Jesus” group join op facebook nie. Ek glo Christenskap is om vir arm mense om te gee, aan jouself en jou issues te werk, en Jesus te volg met jou hele hart. Al lyk jy stupid. Al beteken dit om in ‘n kleurling gebied in te trek of om jou besittings weg te gee.

Ek dink nie eks regtig so lief vir Jesus as wat ek se ek is nie. Ek lewe meeste van die tyd asof dit nie waar is nie.


Trying my hand at a photoblog. Actually, it’s not my pictures it’s my friend’s. I have pictures in my mind and they come out as words. So I borrowed his pictures and added the words in my mind…


I live in this space where nothing every changes

and nothing ever happens

I’ve been living here since you left

I never told you because you never asked me

I regret not telling you anyway

Are you an appropriate Christian Lady? Take this quiz and find out!

Some times I fall into this trap of too much self-examination and I become riddled with self-doubt. Am I really a Christian? What about my “flaws”? How can I do this/be this/say this and still call myself a Christian? How do other people see me? Am I acceptable to society? Do I not need to be more like (insert perfect Christian friend here)?

Hence I developed this handy quiz to test if I really am a Christian Lady.

The following quiz designed for self-doubters to determine once and for all if you make the “cut”.

Score yourself by adding or subtracting marks as you answer the following questions.

If you’re a guy you can score your sister/friend/girlfriend/mom this way:

1. You wear skirts or dresses that are shorter than 2cm above your knee -5
2. Among your favourite books are: “Waiting and dating”, “I kissed dating goodbye”, “Passion and purity” or “Captivity” +10
3. Among your favourite books are “Sex God” and anything by Paulo Coelho or Philip Yancey. -15
4. You are good at maths or science -5
5. You have ever disagreed with a pastor or voiced your own opinion in church -5
6. You like making out or kissing. Actually, even hugging is a little dodgy. Side-hugs are okay. -10 (kissing)

-5 (hugging)

+2 (side hugging)

7. You have an IQ above 120 (church girls are meant to be seen and not heard and being smart often hinders this) -4
8. You like xkcd or any other geeky humor -4
9. You have a dark sense of humor. If you even so much as chuckle at any joke about babies, puppies or jews then it’s a solid minus for you. Even if you chuckle in your head. It counts. -15
10. You stick quotes up on your facebook wall. Preferably quotes by Ghandi, Benjamin Franklin, Martin Luther King, Mandela, oh yeah and the Bible +20
11. Your facebook picture shows your smiling face +10
12. Your facebook picture shows your legs (uncovered. Jeans are okay) -10
13. You have your own bible-study group +15
14. You are in the worship team. +20
15. You are worship leader (seen and not heard remember) -5
16. You have any kind of piercing. Yes, extra ear-piercings count. We don’t want to lead anyone into temptation. -7
17. You have ever considered getting or you have a tattoo. -20
18. You wear a bikini to the beach -10
19. Said bikini is white -20
20. You wear shorts over your full costume to the beach +20
21. You like hiking and other outdoor activities. +7
22. You can cook (remember, we are preparing for marriage girls!) +15
23. You have your own opinion on creation (this is a biiiggggg noooo) -25
24. You have skipped church to sleep in/go shopping/work during the last three months -10
25. You have skipped church to volunteer at a soup kitchen +10
26. You have ever been to ram-fest -20
27. You have ever been to coke fest -10
28. You have been to a trance party (this is worse than number 23) -30
29. If you go out and drink alcohol you make sure its only one drink per night or if it’s a day event then only half a drink. Also it has to be something suitable like brutal fruit, white wine or savannah. +5
30. You drink red wine, beer, or any hard-liquor like vodka, gin, whiskey ect. (minus an extra 5 if the beer is black label or the hard liquor is brandy) -10
31. You don’t get involved in debates about the church. It is not a woman’s place. +10
32. You have guy friends other than the guy who you are going to marry (who should only be your friend up until you get engaged and get married an approximate time of 6 months later) -10
33. Your guy friends aren’t Christian -20
34. You know how to flirt (Where did you learn this???) -30
35. You have watched Fight Club/ Vicky Christina Barcelona/ Sin city or Pulp Fiction -5
36. You like any of the above movies -10
37. You spend more than 10 minutes putting on make-up (then you are clearly putting on too much and this leads to temptation) -15
38. Your favourite past-time is reading/ painting/ writing or practicing an instrument. (these are suitable activities for a lady) +10
39. You smoke -20
40. You smoke weed -30
41. You have already chosen your children’s names and middle names. +30
42. You want to travel the world before you get married -10
43. Your best friend is married (this is proper company for a lady) +10
44. You have ever read the Koran, the Torah or have any friends that are of another religion. -10
45. These friends are guys (shocker!) -20
46. You have sworn in the last three months. Even if it’s in traffic. In your head also counts. -15

For those who didn’t get it, the point of this little satire is to remind us how the devil can amplify our insecurities and this is to show you how ridiculous it can get and…

Never mind..…if you didn’t get it you didn’t get it.


She knew that he wouldn’t immediately recognize her if he saw her again. Her hair was dark, almost like someone in mourning, and she wore her glasses almost all of the time. She still smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

He wouldn’t notice this until much later that evening, staring at her face in the candlelight, nor would he notice the slightly darker circles around her eyes.

He would never know that she didn’t cry anymore.

Nor did she hope much.

“Life without you is more like surviving than living” she wanted to tell him, but she didn’t. She just sat there.

So did he.

It’s almost like the months that had passed between them was bigger than a lifetime. How a lifetime could fit into a few months she would never understand.

Also, how someone who was a part of you could suddenly become a stranger.

She didn’t feel sad, sitting across from him. Or angry. Or anything at all. She hadn’t felt anything for a long time now.

He knew that the woman sitting on front of him was not the girl he had let go. Or left behind. Or however you would phrase it. Who she was she simply wasn’t anymore.

She decided to get up and leave. Her last words were

“You’re love nearly killed me you know”

And his to her

“As is the way with love”

She wasn’t sure if his eyes were cold, or simply empty of emotion as well.

~  21/05/2008


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