Chaos and beauty

Sometimes I think it all started up there when You said “Are you sure you want to go?”

And I said “Yes, of course”

And You said “It’s going to be hard. And painful sometimes. Really, really painful”

And I said: “I know, I’m up for it”

And You said “But beautiful too. Some moments will be simply magical”

And I said “Let me go. I can do this”

And now that I’m here I sometimes lose track. In the chaos of the pain and the beauty it all sometimes seems pointless. I struggle to make sense of it all. It’s like I know there’s something bigger, but there’s this thing around me fighting so that I can’t see it. It’s harder that I could have ever imagined, but also more beautiful than I could have dreamed of.

That’s sometimes the only way I make sense of things.

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