All who wander

Today I changed my blog to “All who wander…” referring to “All who wander aren’t lost”.

It’s because something in this quote rings true with the way I, almost permanently, feel. I’ve been wandering my entire life.

I’ve ended up in some strange, unpredictable places. Places I would never have pictured myself in if you’d asked me a few years previously. Living a year in a small town in the mountains of Mpumalanga, working in a rural hospital as one of only two white people on staff. Moving to Cape Town, working in a mental hospital. Wandering around the cape flats and making friends with people whose lives look radically different than mine. Wandering around in Europe, living in Sweden for 6 months. Wandering around in snow-covered mountains in Norway, looking at glaciers and experiencing the northern lights.

Sometimes I wander around between the people I meet. The friends I make. My life has been blessed with many strong and valuable friendships. I always feel like I don’t deserve having the friends I have, because they are so special and loyal. I would not be half the person I am without them.

Mostly though, ever since I can remember, I’ve been wandering around in my own thoughts. In fantasies I create inside myself. In my mind I’ve travelled to the strangest places, both wonderful and scary. Mostly my thoughts are chaotic, emotional and wildly expressionistic. Sometimes they flow together coherently enough to make a blog post or write a short story. Other times they move into poetry or beautiful sentences. Most often though, I am just wandering between the chaotic worlds that are created within my mind.

Today I am 26 years old and my mind has been wandering a lot lately. I’ve been wandering why I’m not married. If I would ever have children. Why I’m 26 and I don’t have a steady job, and when I will eventually “settle down” and “grow up”.

But I look back at my life, at everything I’ve done. At every unexpected curve and valley and mountain. My life has wandered onto a strange, beautiful and scary path. I’ve been wandering a lot lately.

I don’t, however, feel lost.


3 Responses to “All who wander”

  1. 1 Charlene Januarie 25, 2012 om 8:27 vm

    Ek like jou nuwe blog naam 🙂

  2. 3 annarine Januarie 25, 2012 om 3:26 nm

    Awe Chika! Jys so awesome! Defnitief ‘n onder die wortelteken post! Lief jou

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