Me and the road

I’m not fit. I’m not anything describing fit and I have never been. I have about the same athletic ability as a phone booth. Ask any of my friends, parents or fellow high school attendees and they can corroborate this story. The problem is I look fit. My legs look like they should at least be able to carry me a few km’s. Almost everyone who doesn’t know me is surprised at the way my face turns red and I turn eerily quiet when we hit the first hill on the way up lion’s head.

However, I was in an accident three years ago and broke my pelvis. Lying on my back on a hospital bed, literally, for six weeks, not even being able to do the most private things for myself, or turn myself onto my side, or even sit up, I realized the value of my legs, my body, and being able to do things for myself. I promised myself when I got better I would start to run and eventually do a race. I did not do this.

After my brief visit to Scandinavia, I gained a few extra centimeters around the waist, and decided to start running again. What started as a way to lose weight, is ending up in a small, personal victory. Today I realized I can go almost 5km. To clarify, by “go” I mean run for a while, walk for a few seconds to get my breath, run for a while, walk for a few minutes, ect. Either way, I get it done and I am exhausted by the time I get back. More than this, however, I get it done again, and again, and again.

Today it started to be fun. I realized I was becoming fit. I might actually be fit one day. One day I will be able to run the entire 5kms. Then 6, then 7… Maybe even finish a 10km race sometime. No one can grasp the incredible achievement that this is over myself.

When I run, when my feet hit the pavement step after step after step, my body exhausted, my mind clears up. I start to breathe again. I forget about my personal problems. The fights I’m having with my friends, whatever guy-type worries are running around inside me, the work I still need to finish, the life goals I think I won’t reach. The stupid things fall away and I start to feel strong. I start to feel like I can achieve anything. I mean, if I can go running, I really should be able to do anything. I start to feel like I can control things in my life, like I’m not just a spectator, being tossed around by the tides of my and other’s emotions. I am in control. I can breathe. I can run.

And I realized today that I don’t go running by picturing how I will feel when I get home. I don’t try and convince myself I will feel good, or look good or whatever. I know all this. I just decide I will go running and I do it. Step by step. I put on my clothes. Then I get in my car. Then I take the first steps. Then I run as far as I can. Then I walk for a bit. Then I run again. I don’t picture the end. It’s too far. I picture the next step, and the next, and the next.

And this is how I conquer myself.


3 Responses to “Me and the road”

  1. 1 Robin Mei 13, 2012 om 10:22 nm

    A most inspirational post!

  2. 2 anrilouise Mei 21, 2012 om 8:26 vm

    That sounds like me and my diet. After the diet will come the running and the getting fit. But for now, I will wake up and go, today I will diet. Just to do it. And to conquer. And I do end up feeling better by the end of the day. But that is not why I do it either. Your blog inspires me.

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